1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave > your > name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. > > 

2. A is for academics, B is or beer. One of those reasons is why we're not > > here. So, leave a message. > > 

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the > money. > If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid > institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you > owe > me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. > > 

4. Hi. Now you say something. > > 

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can > talk > to it instead. Wait for the beep. > > 

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you? > > 

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a > "sexy" > message, I'll call sooner > > 

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. > Please > speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with some of > these > magnets. > > 

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving > messages. > My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are > clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their > picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and > they > will get back to you. > > 

10. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic > thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your > number > and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call. > > 

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave > me > a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. > > 

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. > Leave > a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back. > > 

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons > > right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home > and it's safe to leave a message. > > 

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. > Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. > > 

15. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right > now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it > up > and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a > message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you >