I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you --it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person.

Yeah, I'd love to fuck your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!

Are your parents cousins?

What's the best sex position for making ugly babies?
Ask Your Mom!

Your teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter.

I know cement that gets hard faster than you.

Tell your mother to stop wearing different colored lipstick, I am getting a damn rainbow around my dick.

Go floss your teeth with the sweaty hairs on my ass.

Nice face...what are you going to do when the baboon wants his ass back

Do your parents know your gay?

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?"

Congratulations on your wedding day!  Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.  After having
met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life.  I never believed in Hell til
I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder: What the fuck was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it
for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.  Like the
need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!  I never knew what evil was before
this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion.  Before you go, would like to take this
knife out of my back.  You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are
bigger than mine."

"Happy Birthday!  You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

"Congratulations on getting Married!  It's not every day you decide to ruin
your life!"

"I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected.  While I'm
dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly."

"Sex with you is like using drugs.  Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid
enough to admit it."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.  Now that we've
broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So
here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.  Did you ever find out who the
father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket....  I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"If you didn't have any money, I'd still love you.  And miss you very much."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday---so
we're having you put to sleep."

You are so ugly the last time you got a piece of
ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet
paper.