Question and Answer

Q. Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom?
A. She was in there so long she peed her pants.

Q: Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? 
A. Her ankles. 

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

Q. How does a blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!

Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day?
A. She has a tampon tucked behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. Its difficult to open the legs on an ironing board.

Q. What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A. "Way to go team!"

Q. What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A. FULL

Q. What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A. She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.

Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
A. The joystick is wet.

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q. Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
A. Because they have blond boyfriends

Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?
A. A golden retriever

Q. How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A. It has a stamp on it.

Q. How do you light up a blondes eyes?
A. Shine a torch in her ear.

Q. Why do blondes have square breasts?
A. Because they forget to take the tissues out of the boxes.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

Q. Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First.

Q. What do you call an eternity?
A. Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q. What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A. They think their picture is being taken.

Q. Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A. They can't find the 11 on the phone!

Q. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A. Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q. Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?  
A. It takes too long to retrain them.

Q. How do you drown a Blonde?
A. Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q. Why does it take longer to build a Blond snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A. You have to hollow out the head.

Q. Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A. It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

Q. What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
A. They drowned in Spring Training.

Q. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell her joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound and she weighed 125 lbs.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found out she was embezzling.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
A: She tried to drown it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm "sooo" drunk!"

Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?
A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says on the box: "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits?
A. The blonde; she's 18.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee?
A: It hurts their teeth.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.

Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of
their decisions.

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
A: If it were more, it would be Hell.

Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?
A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.

Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.

Q: Why don't women have any brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in.

Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.

Q. What do cow pats and women have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Q. What's six inches long that women love?
A. Folding money.

Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.

Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the other is used to carry groceries.

Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
A. Speed bumps.

Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.

Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.

Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.

Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!

Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts.

Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toy pen?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face saying, "Lie to me! lie to me!"

Q: How are pubic hairs like parsley?
A: You push them aside before you eat.

Q: What is the ultimate definition of courage?
A: Two cannibals having oral sex.

Q: How do you tell that you have a high sperm count?
A: Your date has to chew before she swallows.

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Q: If you get malaria from mosquitoes and Lyme disease from ticks, where do you get AIDS from?
A: Asshoppers.

Q: What is the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
A: You can always find a girl to blow your paycheck for you.

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"

Q: What's the connection between soy bean and a vibrator?
A: Both are meat substitutes.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: "Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be one heck of a blowjob!"

Q: Why did the condom cross the road?
A: Because it was pissed off.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got laid last night."

Q: What did one boob say to the other?
A: Don't hang so low, they'll think we're nuts.

Q: What is the politically correct name for "Lesbian?"
A: "Vagitarian."

Q: Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
A: Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.

Q: What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it rub-it!

Q: What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
A: They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

Q: What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: What is the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?
A: One is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker.

Q: How is the card game Bridge and sex alike?
A: If you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand.

Q: How can you tell when dogs are kinky?
A: They start doing it in the missionary position.

Q: What is the difference between 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the asshole in front of you.

Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?
A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

Q: How can you tell if a witch is horny?
A: Check out which end of the broomstick she's riding.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.

Q: What's the best thing about a blow job from an Ethiopian woman?
A: You know she'll swallow.

Q: How is a vagina like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q: What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A: Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until he's around 13 or14 years old.

Q: Why does a bride always wear white?
A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the cooker and fridge.

Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers?
A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Q: How can you tell the head nurse?
A: The one with dirty knees.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Did you hear about the new paint called "blonde" paint?
A: It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

Q: How can you tell a macho woman?
A: She rolls her own tampons.

Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."

Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: How do you make a lesbian climb the wall?
A: Tell her there's a crack in the ceiling.

Q: What's the definition of confusion?
A: A coach load of blind lesbians in a fish market.

Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife!

Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, she's already been told twice.

Q. What do you call a Serbian prostitute? 
A. Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch. 

Q. Why do women call it PMS? 
A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q. What's a mixed feeling? 
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit? 
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho? 
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? 
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q. Do you know how Welsh practice safe sex? 
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick. 

Q. Why is divorce so expensive? 
A. Because it's worth it. 

Q. What is a Yankee? 
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? 
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? 
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? 
A. Well-hung.

Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud. 

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? 
A. The grip. 

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony? 
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? 
A: Kick his sister in the jaw. 

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 
A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 
A: 45 minutes

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? 
A: The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? 
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? 
A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind. 

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? 
A. They don't have balls to scratch.

Q. Why is the head of a Penis bigger than the rest of it?
A. To stop your hand from flying off and hitting yourself in the forehead.

Q. What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
A. Her feet!

Q. What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A. A genealogist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your bush.

Q. Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A. Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69

Q. What's the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A. A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

Q. What do elephants use for tampons?
A. Sheep.

Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
A: Odor eaters

Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

Q: Why aren't there any Scousers on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying, "Yo".

Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.

Q: Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?
A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

Q: How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
A: Mace.

Q: What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny's batteries in backwards?
A: He keeps coming and coming and coming...

Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King didn't cover his Whopper.

Q: Why did God invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.

Q: What's the connection between soy bean and a vibrator?
A: Both are meat substitutes.

Q. Why did Mickey Mouse divorce Minnie Mouse?
A: Because she was fuckin' Goofy.

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A: A mechanic!

Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
A: Marry it.

Q: Why do Italians wear mustaches?
A: So they can look like their mother.

Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance than women?
A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A: Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q: How do you fix a women's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won't stop for directions.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who
usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did God make men before women?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?
A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What men know about women.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?
A: He eats beans for dinner.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know. It's never happened.

Q: How are men and parking spaces alike?
A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped.

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Q. Why did God give man a penis? 
A. So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up! 

Q. What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for? 
A. Its Braille for "suck here." 

Q. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? 
A. Lipstick. 

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex? 
A. They can't stand seeing a man have a good time. 

Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? 
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days. 

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job? 
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.