Shredder

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.
"Need some help?" a secretary asked.
"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"
"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"


The Sack

An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who
came late to work. The next morning, both employees came to work very early. So the manager thought he would fire the first one
who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the
longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager
thought he'd wait to see who would leave work the earliest, but both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat
rack and the manager went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said,
"Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."


Blind Man

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and
asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides
to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies,
"That’s a good piece of fir." "Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one." "That’s a bad piece of willow," says the blind man.
"Correct," answers the manager.
With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the
blind mans face. "I'm confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his
face. The blind man says, "Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the shit house door off a
fishing boat!"


Pickle Factory

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his
wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should
see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his
own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."


Construction Accident

A man on a construction site 30 floors up had to go to the bathroom. He approached his foreman and told him that he was going
down to use the facilities. The foreman told him he was crazy. By the time he got down and back he’d lose a half hour of time.
The foreman pushed a plank out over the edge of the building. He stood on one end and told the guy to go out on the other end and
pee off. He told the man that they were 30 floors up and that his piss would turn into vapor before it reached the bottom. So the guy
decided to take his advice.
Suddenly the foreman's cell phone rang and he jumped off the board to get it, allowing the peeing man to fall to his death!
At the inquest an electrician who was working on the 27th floor was asked if he knew what happened. "Not really, but I think it had
something to do with sex."
The coroner said, "Sex, why do you think it had something to do with sex?"
The electrician replied, "I saw the man falling with his cock in his hand screaming, ‘Where did that cocksucker go!’"


Working in line

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.
Surprised, the man turned, and snarled, "Just what the hell are you doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor, and I
could just see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!"
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do you see me fucking the guy in front of me?"


Lumber

Two men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A
long time. We're gonna build a house."